Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
