dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize