She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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