he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
