Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I will be naked everywhere
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
