My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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