My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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