I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
