she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
