We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
