The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
