just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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