My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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