Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
