I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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