rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
