You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
