I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
