Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
