The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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