a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize