this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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