I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he shaved USA in his pubs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
