Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
