does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
