Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
