I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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