Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
