I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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