Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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