I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
where are you?
Hypothermia
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
