Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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