I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize