just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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