I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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