we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
