wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
