i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
