sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
