I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You pole danced in your parka.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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