I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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