hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
do nipples grow back?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
