thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
