So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
