i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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