I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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