i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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