Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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