I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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