I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
