I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Holy sore nipples Batman
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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