Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
