Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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