I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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