I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
