I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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