just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize