when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
