just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
