where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
