So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
