So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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