she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
