What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
