she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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