You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
