Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I could make wine with my vomit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
