I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
