Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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