I can text with my tongue
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
